


With Certainty

by imthetitanic



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/F, F/M, John Winchester Being an Asshole, Mary Lives, Misgendering, Musician Dean, Polyamory, Protective Bobby Singer, Protective Ellen, Protective Mary Winchester, Trans Dean, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2015-09-20
Packaged: 2018-04-11 23:22:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4456460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imthetitanic/pseuds/imthetitanic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deanna Winchester made the fateful decision to come out as transgender to her family and (surprise, surprise) her father did not approve. Armed only with a laptop, a guitar, and the friendship of a girl she hadn't seen in years, Deanna is forced to make her own way in the world, and learns a few things about love she never thought she would.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Leaving a Life Behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for transphobia in this chapter.
> 
> So, here's the thing. I got the inspiration for this fic at work today while I was doing paperwork and started writing at lunch. I can't promise fast updates, especially because I have another WIP that I'm committed to, plus two original novels, plus school is starting up again soon. I can promise that this isn't going to be an abandoned fic. I'll try to update weekly at the least. 
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.

Deanna lay back on her bed, staring up at the guitar that adorned the wall of her studio apartment. Her parents had gotten it for her years ago, back before they had kicked her out. She hadn't taken it down to play since that day, though it was the only thing she had taken from her room besides what was already in her backpack.

She sighed, considering taking it down and playing, but her voice was still deeper than she wanted it, and singing would just highlight that. She sat up with a sigh to start working on her vocal exercises. She was getting close; she could feel it. Soon, she would be a good alto and be able to start posting covers of songs again. Maybe even some original work. Finally, as herself.

__________

"John, please, don't do this," her mother had said as her father had towered over her, pointing an accusing finger as Sam looked on from the doorway. Deanna had come out to Sam first, then to her mother. Both were perfectly accepting, but then she had decided to come out to her father. She wanted to transition, and she couldn't do that without his support...or she couldn't at the time.

John snorted. "You're telling me you believe this?" he asked his wife, who had set her jaw in the Mary Winchester way. Deanna knew the look well, knew what it meant for those that stood in her mother's way. "Your son just announces he wants to be a girl, and you're just going to go along with it?"

"Deanna told me a while ago. She doesn't want to be a girl, she is a girl," Deanna's mother explained in a carefully calm voice. "You can accept it or not, but I'm not going to tolerate you being cruel to your daughter. John Winchester, you have a daughter now."

Deanna didn't know what to say to add on to what her mother had already said, but she decided to brave a statement. "Dad, I'm still me." It seemed like the right thing to say, all things considered, but it obviously wasn't.

John softened his voice then, bending to the wishes of his wife and daughter. "Dean, are you sure you aren't gay? You could be gay, I wouldn't mind. You'd still be my son. Why are you being so drastic about this?"

Deanna sighed. "I am gay. And a girl. And my name is Deanna, not Dean." She looked at Sam, who looked like he wanted to say something, but he withdrew again. 

"You're my son."

"I'm your daughter." Deanna smiled hopefully. Maybe her dad would get it this time? He seemed like he was trying, but Deanna really wasn't all that surprised when he shook his head. 

With a sigh, John said, "Get your things." He didn't say it angrily, and at first Deanna just stood there and looked at him. 

It wasn't until Mary sharply inhaled and stood up from her seat on the couch that Deanna understood. "John, no. You aren't kicking our daughter out."

John took a couple of strides toward her, stopping very close to her. "I am, Mary."

Mary shook her head. "If she leaves, I'm going with her. And taking Sammy."

John leaned down and whispered something in her ear that Deanna couldn't hear. When he straightened, Mary was white as a sheet. She didn't say anything, instead sinking onto the couch as John turned back to Deanna, a glint in his eye that hadn't been there before. "Now that we may speak uninterrupted," he said, glaring back at his wife for a moment, "get your things. And get out."

Sam ran in then. "You can't do that!" he shouted. "You can't kick out my sister!" The thirteen year old's face was bright red with rage. 

John's own hadn't lost its color or gone red. He was perfectly calm as he said, "Sam, that's your brother. And he can come back," he stared Deanna right in the eye as she cringed, "when he realizes that he's a man."

Deanna laughed. "See you never, then, Dad." She ran upstairs, wiping tears from her eyes, and grabbed her guitar and backpack, which contained her laptop, phone, the clothes she had changed into when she got to school and out of right before she left, and her small handbag. 

Sam followed her up, crying himself. "Deanna, don't leave, please."

"I have to, Sammy." She ruffled his hair. "Dad says so. And I'm a good daughter, even if he doesn't know it." She hoisted the backpack up over her shoulder and held the guitar close to her chest as she went back downstairs, Sam trailing behind her. She turned around then and wrapped her arms around Sam. "Love you, kiddo." 

Her mother was waiting at the door, still white as a sheet. "When I can, I'll follow you, honey." She spoke in a low voice. "I love you."

Deanna allowed her mother to fold her into a tight hug. "I'm going to see about staying with Bobby and Ellen for a while so I can save up money. I'll call you tonight?"

"Call late." Her mother had a note of fear in her usually strong voice. "I'll be waiting." When they pulled away from each other, Deanna would be lying if she said they weren't both in tears.

Sammy ran back, tangling his gangly limbs around his sister one more time. "Please still talk to me, Deanna. I'll miss you." Deanna choked back her sob, prying her brother off of her. 

"I have to go, Sammy. I'll text you later. Just be careful. Don't let Dad see." Sam nodded. "I'll see you soon," she said, not sure if what she was saying was true.

And with that, Deanna walked out the door, setting off down the sidewalk for her not-really-aunt and uncle's house that was a couple miles away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that was that. Please let me know your thoughts and feelings about this...I'd really appreciate it.


	2. May I Come In?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning for this chapter: mentions of a car accident, mentions of transphobia. 
> 
> If I am leaving out trigger warnings, PLEASE tell me. I'll add them. I don't want to fail to warn for anything.

Deanna opened her laptop and pulled up her YouTube channel. Her multitude of song covers, posted both before her realization and after, stared her in the face. She hadn't posted in months, not since...no, she didn't want to think about that. She had done her vocal exercises and had done a bit of yoga, and now she was bored, itching for something to do.

She figured looking at her old musical endeavours would be something motivating. Hell, she might be able to write new music instead of just doing covers if she could get her voice higher. The videos had always been motivating. So she put headphones on and played her first video, laying on her stomach on the bed.

__________

Bobby and Ellen weren't really Deanna's aunt and uncle. Bobby had been a good friend of Deanna's father - John, she reminded herself. John wasn't prepared to accept her for who she was, so why would she still call him her father? - way back when, so when John and Mary had picked up and moved after a house fire that had nearly claimed Mary's life, they moved to the same town as Bobby.

John hadn't known Bobby's then-fiancee when he picked the place to which they were moving, and if he had, he wouldn't have moved there. Ellen Harvelle hated John Winchester with a burning passion...not because she had ever met the man. No, John had apparently killed her husband in a car accident that he was too blackout drunk to remember. He had spent some time in jail, getting out a few years later. John had forgotten the name of the man he had killed and preferred not to think about the wreck.

The only good thing that came of it was that John no longer drove drunk. 

Ellen had moved in with Bobby already, along with her daughter, Jo, who was Deanna's age. At the time of the move, they were about twelve, and Deanna was just beginning to realize she was transgender. Jo had helped Deanna quite a bit throughout that process, and Deanna felt drawn to Jo ever since that. 

This was ruined very soon after Jo and Deanna shared a kiss one night. They didn't know that John had been watching them, but he came out of the bushes shouting, dead drunk, about how his son had finally become a man. Ellen had nearly shot him while Jo held Deanna in the relative safety of the corner of the house. 

Since then, Deanna had not been allowed to bike down to Bobby and Ellen's house, and it didn't matter anyway because she had gotten a single letter from Jo...which was signed Joanna...that said she was at a boarding school now and that she wouldn't be home for a while. Deanna had cried in her room for a night, not daring to let her father see her tears. She hadn't written anything back to Jo, and Jo hadn't sent anything to her.

Deanna was, frankly, surprised to be going to Bobby and Ellen for help, though they had always said they would be there for both of John's children. She was afraid to, and her fear was one part Ellen's reaction and one part seeing Jo again. She wasn't out to Bobby or Ellen, and she wasn't sure she wanted to be.

When she finally reached the house, she knocked tentatively on the door, and a redheaded girl she had never seen opened it. The girl was wearing a Star Wars t-shirt with cutoff jeans, and her hair was pulled back into a ponytail. "Ellen, you've got company," she said. 

Deanna felt a smile come to her face. The girl was bouncing on the balls of her feet. Unlike Deanna's normal definition of that act as being in preparation for mounting a defense, it seemed to be just because this girl was a bouncy person. Deanna found her mood improving slightly in the face of this girl's happiness. 

Ellen came to the door then and stifled a gasp. "Dean?" Her eyes were wide and her voice slightly lower than Deanna remembered. 

Deanna inwardly cringed at the misgendering, but reminded herself she wasn't out yet to Ellen, so that would be normal. She answered, "Hi, Ellen," fairly sheepishly. "Do you, uh, mind if I come in?"

Ellen stood aside, waving Deanna in swiftly, then shutting the door behind her. "Did you walk all the way here from your house?" She pulled Deanna in for a quick hug, then released her. 

Deanna chuckled sadly. "Yeah, I did. My dad kind of, uh, kicked me out." She didn't want to say why, but she knew she would have to.

The redhead looked contemplative for a moment, but then her eyes widened and a frown came heavily to her face. "You're kidding." The look of anger and disgust on her face made Deanna think she figured it out, and maybe the anger would be at John...maybe for kicking Deanna out instead of fixing her, while the disgust was directed at Deanna herself. Deanna could see that. She had faced her share of transphobia. 

Ellen cast a sharp glance at the girl. "Charlie, why don't you go fix Dean here something to eat? I'd do it, but it seems wehave a lot to talk about."

Charlie. The girl had a name now, and Charlie nodded, still frowning, and left. A moment later, she called, "Grilled cheese?" Maybe she wasn't upset about Deanna being who she was? Maybe she didn't know. Deanna was relieved by that thought. 

Deanna shouted back, "Sounds great, thanks!" and turned to Ellen, expecting the interrogation she got. Fair play, she supposed. 

The older woman had a frown on her face that almost mirrored Charlie's. "Why did John kick you out? You've been nothing but a good son to him." Deanna hid the smile/grimace that had been threatening to come to her face. She had been such an amazing son that John had never known he had a daughter. 

And then Deanna heard the voice she had been dreading hearing, saw the face she had been dreading seeing. She winced as Joanna Beth Harvelle walked into that entryway and said incredulously, "Deanna?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would really appreciate knowing what you guys think!!


	3. You Did What?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for mild dysphoria and outing.
> 
> Sorry this took so long, I had to pack and move in to my college and all kinds of things. I'm back now, though.

Deanna finished listening to her old covers and pulled off her headphones with a sigh. Her voice was so deep. She had never been super dysphoric about her voice, but she wished she had one that was more traditionally feminine. She sat up again, thinking, then stood on the bed to take her guitar off the wall. 

She sat down again, guitar across her lap, and strummed a few chords. She hadn’t even attempted to play in a while, and it definitely needed tuning, so she set to work on doing so.

__________

Deanna froze. Ellen looked back and forth between the two girls, her confusion plain on her face. Deanna was trying to answer, but no words would come so far even as the tip of her tongue. She opened and closed her mouth several times and didn’t realize she wasn’t breathing until her chest started hurting.

Jo, for her part, inhaled sharply, her eyes widening at her misstep. Without another pause, she said, “Dean,” with a smile. “What are you doing here?” She sent an apologetic look straight into Deanna’s eyes. 

Deanna took a deep breath. “Dad-kicked-me-out-and-I-need-a-place-to-stay,” she said, then took another breath. When she opened her mouth to speak again, she did so at a far more moderate pace, though she could feel she was babbling. “I just, I remembered that Aunt Ellen had said I could come over if I needed to and I figured that if this isn’t need I don’t really know what is and if you guys don’t have room I can find somewhere else to stay.” Deanna shut herself up, cringing inwardly at her awkwardness.

Ellen took a step forward, and Deanna had to exert a good bit of self-control to not flinch away and cause the woman any more confusion. Ellen wrapped her in a tight hug. “Of course you can stay,” she said gently…or as gently as Ellen had ever said anything.

Just then, Charlie walked back into the entryway carrying a grilled cheese sandwich, handing it off to Deanna. Deanna took it gratefully, watching as Charlie walked around to stand by Jo. Their fingers intertwined and Deanna took a sharp intake of breath. 

She should have known Jo would move on. How could she not? Deanna didn’t own her, hadn’t even had a claim on her since age thirteen. Just because the feisty blonde had stuck in her mind, that didn’t mean she would be able to waltz right back in, and dammit that had never ben her intention to begin with. 

She realized with a start that she had locked onto Jo’s eyes and had been holding eye contact for a frankly creepy length of time. She looked away, feeling a blush rise in her cheeks. “Dean, you okay?” Ellen asked as Deanna was snapping out of her Jo-induced reverie. 

She blinked twice and made sheepish eye contact with Ellen. “Fine, sorry. Just tired. Thank you…for the sandwich.”

Ellen looked like she was going to say something, but Charlie answered Deanna instead. “No problem.” The redhead grinned. Deanna couldn’t help but notice how beautiful her smile was, but she was standing next to Jo and no one compared to Jo. No one had ever compared to Jo. Deanna was becoming quite confused.

“Why don’t you go sit down in the living room and hang out with the girls,” Ellen suggested. “I have a bit of work I need to get done, and I’m sure you and Jo have quite a bit of catching up to do.”

 _I’ll say_ , Deanna thought. She realized just how snide the thought was, and regretted it a little. “All right, Aunt Ellen.” She hugged Ellen in one of those awkward, one-armed hugs because of the sandwich she was holding, and followed Jo and Charlie to the living room.

The couple allowed her to eat in silence for a few minutes, but the second that sandwich (which was delicious, making Deanna even madder) was eaten, Jo leaned forward. “You came out to your dad.” Deanna stared at her. She was saying that in front of someone else? Deanna didn’t even know Charlie. Jo knew how big of a secret Deanna had been keeping her gender, and this was twice in a day. As if reading Deanna’s mind, Jo said, “Charlie’s cool, Deanna.”

Frankly, Deanna didn’t care if Charlie was _cool_. Jo assuming that Deanna was comfortable with talking about her gender with a complete stranger was definitely not. She tried to swallow that down, but she felt her lips tightening and couldn’t stop herself from saying, “That doesn’t give you the right to tell her.” Her tone was cold and sharp. 

Jo looked slightly taken aback by her words, but Deanna didn’t care much. “Deanna, I know, I’m sorry, but Charlie already knew.”

Deanna leaned back into the couch, crossing her arms over her too-flat chest. “What?” She bit the word off as though it were poison, and on some level she knew she wanted it to be. She was already mad about Jo finding someone else, even though she knew that was irrational, and now this? “Did you tell her without me even being there?” The tremor in Deanna’s voice offended her. Her own vocal cords were betraying her now. 

“Honestly, Deanna, I never really thought I’d see you again. Charlie and I have been together for two years, and you were a giant part of my life for a while. Of course she knows.” Jo was getting to sound heated now, and Deanna didn’t understand what gave her the right to be mad right now. She had crossed a line. 

“Oh, so you just figured it was okay to out me, because you thought you would never see me again?” Deanna had to force herself to keep her voice low so Ellen wouldn’t easily be able to hear her, which resulted in a fierce whisper. 

Deanna flicked her sharp gaze over to Charlie, who was tense on the edge of the chair she was sitting in, ready to flee if need be. When they made eye contact, the redhead said, “She never told me your name, Deanna. That was a slip today, and today only. Jo was always extremely careful about it.”

Deanna’s lips tightened even more. Okay, sure, that would make it all better. Of course. “And she slipped up and basically told her mom about me. Which is also not okay.”

Charlie hopped off the chair and plopped herself next to Deanna, who flinched. Charlie rubbed circles into Deanna’s back, and against her wishes, Deanna found herself relaxing against the movement. Jo watched the happenings with a strange look in her eye, then joined Charlie, sitting on the opposite side of Deanna and wrapping the upset girl in a loose hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	4. "I'm a Lesbian"

_Finally,_ Deanna thought as she finished tuning the E string. She wasn’t sure that the guitar was perfectly tuned, but Charlie had borrowed her tuning fork ages ago and hadn’t given it back. The important thing was that the guitar was in tune with itself and could play harmoniously. 

She started playing soft chords at random, not caring what the notes sounded like together initially, and allowed them to come together naturally. It took her a couple minutes to get to a point where the song sounded harmonious, but it wasn’t until she started to sing in her too-deep voice that she realized she was singing “Hey Jude.”

__________

Deanna was shocked at how relaxed she felt in the care of Jo and Charlie. She had melted into Jo’s embrace like she hadn’t wanted to do, like she shouldn’t have done after how angry she was about what Jo had said. But maybe the pair had a point. If Jo had really been being that careful about it…why should Deanna be upset?

She pulled away from Jo and realized that this meant she was leaning more into Charlie. There was no escape. So she leaned back against the couch, and when Charlie took her hands off Deanna’s back, she smiled that the leaning back had worked. 

Deanna sat up straight again. “I don’t think I overreacted,” she began cautiously. “Not about that. That is a big part of me and I don’t like that you told someone else.” Jo looked like she was about to respond, but Deanna continued speaking. “So I’m not happy about it. But I understand. Honestly, I probably would have done the same thing.” 

Deanna had no idea what she was saying. She just knew that the comfort level she felt with Jo and Charlie was higher than she had felt in ages. It was stopping her from holding the grudge she wanted to hold. It was stopping her from staying angry. Why couldn’t she stay angry? 

Jo and Charlie hugged her in unison, squashing her. Jo responded to her unexpected understanding with, “I’m sorry, Deanna. I really didn’t mean to out you. I was just surprised at seeing you and I haven’t even thought of you as Dean in ages. It just kind of happened, and I’m really sorry.”

Deanna shrugged as best she could. “You’re fine. I’m not even sure that Ellen noticed. And I would have told Charlie soon enough, most likely, anyway.”

“You know my mom’s cool about stuff like that, right?” Jo said as she and Charlie released Deanna from their hug.

Deanna bit her lip and looked down. “I guess. I just don’t want to risk it.”

Jo nodded. “Okay.” She hugged Deanna quickly and gently. Deanna returned the hug, and that was the moment Ellen chose to make her entrance once more.

“Glad you two have caught up. I know you wouldn’t be able to see each other without being just as close as you always were.” Ellen seemed to be slightly awkward, reminding Deanna that the last she had seen of Jo and Deanna was them kissing against the side of the house, being screamed at by a very drunk John Winchester. 

Jo and Deanna shared a sheepish glance. Apparently Jo was thinking along the same lines as Deanna, which caused a bit of guilt on Deanna’s part, considering Charlie was sitting right there.

Actually, Charlie was sitting _right there_ staring at Deanna. And Jo. Both of them. Deanna shrank a little where she was sitting, but the girls on either side of her propped her up once more. “Actually, Ellen, could I talk to you?”

“Privately?” Ellen’s eyebrows had lowered subtly. If Deanna wasn’t keyed to the miniscule motions of everyone around her, she probably wouldn’t have caught it.

Deanna shook her head. “No, you could just sit down in here, I suppose. They already know.” Beside her, Jo took in a sharp breath, and her arm tightened slightly around Deanna.

Ellen nodded, a confused look on her face, and sat in the recliner across from the couch. She leaned forward, placing her elbows on her knees and folding her hands in front of her. “All right, Dean, what is it?”

Deanna took a deep breath, wondering how to phrase this, then deciding to draw on what her—John had said to her. “Ellen…I’m a lesbian.”

Charlie cracked up beside her, and Jo shot a stern look at the laughing girl before dissolving into laughter herself. Ellen leaned back in her seat, gazing at Deanna from under narrowed eyes. Neither Jo nor Charlie said a word, but Ellen eventually leaned forward again and looked Deanna dead in the eyes. “Lesbians are women.”

Deanna nodded. “I suppose I should have started there, right?” She reached out her hand like this was a formal introduction…which it might have been. “Hi Ellen, my name is Deanna Winchester, I’m seventeen years old, and my father kicked me out of the house for being transgender.” When Ellen didn’t reach out to shake the proffered hand, Deanna withdrew it, shrinking in on herself and sighing. “If you don’t want me here, I can leave.”

Ellen breathed then, a slightly chuckling sigh that came haltingly from her lungs. “You are staying right here, Deanna. I’m not going to make you leave. I’ll never make you leave.”

Deanna felt two twin shoves on her back and was forced to fall into a hug with Ellen. The embrace was maternal, more comforting than Deanna was expecting to experience after leaving her own mother behind. “Thanks, Ellen.” She hated the way her voice slightly cracked on the syllables. 

Ellen gave her one more squeeze and pushed her gently off. “Thanks for telling me. Now, I’d stay and talk about it but I really do need to get some more work done.” Deanna let out a relieved sigh. She really hadn’t wanted to talk about it further.

She nodded. “All right.” Ellen stood up and stretched a little. “I hope you get your stuff done.” 

Ellen nodded. “Thanks.” She left the room, leaving Jo, Charlie, and Deanna alone. 

Deanna stood, frozen, as Jo and Charlie leapt up as one from the couch and wrapped her in a tight hug, pressing a kiss each to her cheeks, Jo on the right and Charlie on the left. “I’m proud of you,” Jo whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	5. Setbacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for implied transmisogyny. 
> 
> Next chapter is the last chapter, guys! I'm so happy about the reception this got :D

Deanna let the F chord fade with her voice. She had gone through the whole song, and only now did she allow herself to reach up to wipe the drying tears from her eyes. She hadn’t even listened to that song since she had left her parents’ house. And with good reason. That was the song her mother had always sung to her before bed. It was a tradition that continued after Deanna came out, a tradition that had been broken when John kicked her out. 

A tradition that had been broken when her mother stopped calling, when even Sam stopped calling after a while, when she stopped listening to music, when she stopped singing, when even Jo and Charlie had abandoned her. When Deanna had hung her guitar up on the wall for the very last time, not even trying to strum a final chord. Deanna started strumming again, this time singing loudly, knowing her neighbors could hear her and not caring as the tears rushed down her face en masse.

___________

**_Two Months Later_ **

This morning, when Deanna woke up, she was on the side of the bed again, next to Charlie but not Jo. On the one hand, she knew this was probably to be expected. After the fighting that she and Jo had been engaging in, it was natural for Charlie to have inserted herself in the middle. But Deanna missed being able to curl up next to Jo as well. 

Jo and Deanna had moved into Charlie’s small house last month, with a promise from Ellen that they were both welcome back if anything happened. Bobby and Ellen didn’t quite understand the relationship the three of them had, but they supported it a hundred percent, since it made all of them happy. 

Deanna was beginning to wonder if it made sense for Deanna to have moved in with them. She was questioning their decision to have the polyamorous relationship they did. Charlie had made the offer, though, and Deanna had felt too much like she was imposing on Ellen. When she told Charlie she’d accept the offer, Jo spoke up as well, saying that she had been with Charlie for two years and that if Deanna got to move in with her, Jo certainly had the right. 

Charlie had laughed at how possessive Jo acted, kissing her and Deanna in turn. Deanna didn’t have too many things to pack, so she moved in first, sleeping on the couch until Jo had packed and moved in with them. It was at that point that Charlie sold the queen bed and bought a king. The bedroom was a bit crowded, but the spare bedroom being where they stored their clothes certainly hoped. They often took turns sleeping in the middle, but as time went on, Dean and Jo migrated away from each other and started clinging to Charlie.

This was where Deanna found herself, playing little spoon to Charlie and feeling Jo’s hand on her shoulder. She held back a tear from slipping down her face and laid still until she felt Charlie stirring. At that movement, she rolled over and pressed a soft kiss to her girlfriend’s lips. “Morning, sleepy.”

Charlie smiled into a second kiss and turned her head, kissing Jo when her head popped up. Jo and Deanna didn’t kiss, even when Charlie laid down and gave them a clear opening. When neither of them moved toward each other, Charlie sighed and sat back up. “All right, girls, I need you to make up. Now. This is totally killing my mood.”

Jo frowned. “This isn’t my fault at all,” she said, staring Deanna dead in the eye.

Deanna squirmed uncomfortably. “It’s my decision,” she said quietly. “Not yours.” She looked pleadingly at Charlie. “This isn’t a good way to start the morning, babe. Can’t we just, like, not talk about it right now?”

Charlie wiggled herself back to lean against the headboard. “It is definitely your decision, Deanna. Jo is being slightly ridiculous.” Deanna smiled, feeling vindicated, but that smile faded when Charlie continued, “But she has a point.” 

“I don’t want to do it,” she said firmly. “It is my life and my body, and it hurts that you guys are pressuring me into it.” Her voice wavered a bit while she said it, and she cast a hard look into her eyes. They weren’t going to make her do this. There was nothing wrong with their relationship, but there would be if they kept on about it.

Charlie’s eyes softened. “I understand.”

Deanna, feeling the _however_ unvoiced at the end of the sentence, felt anger rise up through her throat, an unpleasant, burning physical sensation. She stood up, refusing to say a word, and went across the hall, pulling her backpack out of the spare bedroom’s closet and beginning to shove some of her clothes into it. She pulled a sundress on over her thin tank top and Batman pajama shorts and slung her backpack onto her shoulder. She went back into the bedroom and picked up her guitar case, set down the backpack, slid her laptop into it, and put it back on her back.

Throughout all this action, Jo and Charlie simply sat in bed, stunned. Deanna only glanced at them once, registering on some frequency that there were tears in Charlie’s eyes and red rings around Jo’s. But she didn’t care. 

She stood up and looked at them dead-on. “I’m going back to Bobby and Ellen’s.” Technically, she had saved up enough money working at Bobby’s salvage shop to get her own apartment for a while, and had a high enough paycheck, generally, to keep paying rent, especially if it was a small studio apartment. 

Without waiting for their reaction, she continued, “If you aren’t going to respect my decision, I don’t need to be in this relationship.” With that, she turned and walked out of the room, went down the hall, ignored the calls of ‘Deanna!’ coming from the bedroom, shrugged off Jo and Charlie’s hands on her shoulders, and walked out the door. As she walked down the road once more, she started crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	6. Hanging up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think there are triggers here. If there are let me know.

Her deep voice choked the song out through her tears. How had she lost everything so fast? Her neighbors knocked on the wall, but she couldn’t care less about a noise complaint right now. She segued into a new song. _I’ve got those jet-pack blues, just like Judy…_. She sang long and loud.

As the song began to draw to a close, and she sang, “ _Singing baby come home in a melody of tears while the rhythm of the rain keeps time_ ,” there came yet another knocking. It didn’t sound the same, though, so she set the guitar aside and wiped the tears from her eyes. Hoping her mascara hadn’t gone runny, she stood and went over to the door, opening it and then nearly screaming. There, on her doorstep, stood Charlie Bradbury and Joanna Harvelle.

__________

She knocked, teary-eyed, on the familiar front door. Ellen opened it and immediately pulled Deanna into a hug. “All right, honey, what happened?”

“I left. I left them.” Ellen pulled Deanna inside and shut the door. Deanna kept crying, but she was trying to stop. She just wasn’t all that great at stopping, apparently. Why would they even want her to do it? Was she not good enough for them the way she was? She didn’t have enough money for that surgery even if she did want it. 

Ellen led her by the hand to the couch and sat her down, rubbing Deanna's back as she calmed down enough to speak coherently. “They wanted me to get a surgery I don’t want and can’t afford. So I left them.”

She started crying again, quietly. Ellen just held her until she was cried out. “All right, Deanna, this is what we’re going to do. We are going to find you a nice apartment, you can keep working at the shop, and we’ll start you off with some online school and you will have a good life without them, okay?”

That was a plan. It was a plan Deanna didn’t have to come up with. This was a good plan. “Okay.”

“Now, Bobby is dismantling an engine right now, and I bet he’d love your help. Do you need to change first?” Ellen was still speaking very calmly, as if to a startled deer, and somehow that was extremely helpful to Deanna.

“Probably. I have jeans in here somewhere.” Deanna could hear the unsteady quaver in her voice and hated it. 

“Why don’t you head on up to your room and change then?” Deanna followed what Ellen had instructed like a robot, just going through the motions, until she was back downstairs, wearing a flower crown that she had left when they had moved. They were artificial flowers, obviously, but she loved them. 

“All right. Where is Bobby?” Was that really her voice?

Ellen looked up from the laptop she was working on and smiled. Apparently it was her voice, if Ellen recognized it. “Out back. Love the flowers.”

Deanna found herself smiling. “Thanks.” She went out back and startled Bobby by offering her help. 

Maybe if she threw herself into this she would forget about what happened. When a tear hit the engine they were working on, she realized it wasn’t working very well but she didn’t much care anymore.

__________

“‘Jet Pack Blues,’ huh?” Charlie said with a smile. “You sound really great.”

Deanna was still standing there in shock. “What are you doing here?” _Why did you have to show up now? Why are ghosts standing in front of me?_

“I’m sorry, Deanna,” Jo said. “We both are. We should never have wanted you to change.”

Deanna laughed. How was this even happening? She moved out of the doorway to allow them in. “You’re damn right. What changed your mind?” She barely recognized her voice. It was cold and hard, nothing like how she sounded singing. Lamenting. She had been wishing Jo and Charlie would come back so why was she trying to push them away?

Charlie answered her question. “We miss you, Deanna. Can you give us another chance?”

“No.” Deanna stared both of them down. “I’m doing just fine without ghosts from my past showing up to haunt me.”

Jo and Charlie left.

__________

A year later, Deanna was still living in the same apartment. She was on HRT finally, feeling better with her body finally, singing in a higher voice, finally. She was writing her own music and uploading it to YouTube. She had a lot of subscribers, but two always commented a ton of compliments onto her music.

She had a sneaking suspicion it was Jo and Charlie.

Why couldn’t they move on? Why did they insist on haunting her? Ignoring the fact that her entire YouTube channel was either fansongs or love songs, she was totally over them. Totally and completely. She didn’t miss them one bit, even when she wrote love songs about two women. Even when she coded inside jokes into her songs. 

The two commenters never said anything about those jokes.

Was it really Charlie and Jo that were following her YouTube, commenting on everything, or was it wishful thinking? Wishful? No, she didn’t want them to follow her. Why would they? She didn’t want them. She was in a committed relationship with her guitar and her camera. She realized that was a polyamorous relationship. She wrote a song.

That song got two comments almost immediately.

Jeez, were they stalking her? That wasn’t good. If they were, Deanna didn’t know what she would do. She called her mother for advice. Her mother didn’t know she was writing original music. That night, there was a comment on every one of her songs. Her mother sounded sad. Deanna wondered why. She wrote a song. 

Three comments. One was her mother. Who were the others?

One day soon after the marriage equality decision there was a knock on her apartment door. Jo and Charlie were standing outside again, this time with wedding rings on their fingers. “Congratulations,” was Deanna’s flat greeting. Had they come to gloat?

“We’re sorry we didn’t invite you. We didn’t know if you’d want to come.” Charlie tried to give Deanna a hug, but Deanna stepped away.

“What are you even doing here?” Deanna asked with a sigh. “Why are you here?”

Jo looked at the ground. “Deanna, we miss you. We have for a long time. Please, come stay with us again. We have a room in our house that is set up for your music. It’s just waiting for you.”

Deanna bit her lip. “Why would you do that?”

“We love you, Deanna.”

“Leave.” Jo and Charlie turned and left, fingers twined together.

That night, Deanna called Sam. He picked up quickly. “Deanna?”

“I need to move. Can I come stay with you?” Deanna felt weird asking, but what else was she supposed to do?

Sam only thought about it for a second. “Sure. Jess and I have room in the apartment.” 

Deanna sighed in relief. Now all she had to get around was the flying.

__________

Deanna did end up flying, and miraculously the plane didn’t crash, even though there had been turbulence. Sam picked her up at the airport in Dad’s old car. She stared at it for a while before asking, “How?”

“Dad gave her to me. Want to drive?” Sam tossed Deanna the keys.

“Hell yes.”

__________

Charlie and Jo had a child. Deanna got a phone call from Charlie, who said excitedly, “We named her Deanna.”

Deanna blinked several times. “You named her after me?”

“Well, yeah. We love you. Always will. We really are sorry, Deanna. And we understand why you don’t want us in your life. We’ll always be here for you if you need us, love.”

Deanna felt tears welling in her eyes. “Thanks, Charlie. Tell baby Deanna I said hi.”

“Will do. Bye.”

“Bye.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought of that! I might write more in this 'verse, so just let me know if you have anything you want answered.


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